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A single engine is idling on the track less than two blocks from my window. The wisteria is blooming purple and sweet outside the window, and the grape vines are just starting to leaf. It's 62.2 degrees F and dry. I went for my standard walk wearing my long gray coat, because it somehow feels really good to sweep along in it even though I don't need the warmth. I am slow to admit that spring has sprung here, because so often I will end up chilled by a dark drizzling fog sometime when I left home without enough layers.

But lately I come home as early as possible, leave as late as possible, and go nowhere except to school, or maybe yoga class or the grocery store. That's my whole life. I am getting used to the idea that being a solitary and a home body is OK for me now. I know that I am supposed to have a social life, but I seem to be happier when I don't try too hard, and let it come to me. I also know that many people feel that time in medical school is torturous, and it really is, because there is nothing left of me after I do 25% of the assigned reading and work. The other 75% just doesn't get done, but I keep passing, so I guess my academic triage skills are enough. I can't wait to start the next stage of my life, when I am opening a new business in a city where I will live, hopefully for long enough to see the fruit trees that I plant begin to bear.

I am in this Oregon holding pattern. It's OK. Even though I just spent the entire weekend in a marketing seminar that was really remedial. I appreciate that someone is interested in teaching us a way to be successful. I just wish, as with some other classes we've been required to take, that there was an alternative class for people over 40. I do not need the same pep talks that a 20-something needs.

I heard the NPR report yesterday on how gas prices and air fares are going sky high over the summer. It made me question the reasonableness of my plan to spend the summer in travel to the southeast, seeking preceptorship hours and opportunities to get out the word about naturopathic medicine and my soon-to-be-established practice. The problem is that I do not have much money, and my truck may well die on the way. I will be paying rent here while I am gone. There are many questions as to how it would all work out. And I worry about Kitten, I hate to leave her. She is my family here. I know it's silly, but if you got nobody, a cat is better than nobody.

The cat. The long gray coat. The trains rumbling by. These are a few of my favorite things.

Date: 2010-04-19 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lynnivere.livejournal.com
The nature of living a life. These words are beautiful.

Date: 2010-04-19 01:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] neptunia67.livejournal.com
I think cats make good family, personally.

School eats up life. It eats much of my extra time, and I'm not 100% invested in it the same way you are. I am also looking forward to the day you can breathe and look ahead. You've come a long way, baby.

I remember...

Date: 2010-04-20 01:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beauregard45.livejournal.com
yep, nursing school sucked on the social side. I had to commit most all of my mind and resources toward making the bills and keeping up with the assignments. It becomes a priority thing. And then when you pop out on the other end, people look at you like, "who are you?..."
It takes a little bit of time to sort that out and get your personal feet back under you again. Your good friends will be happy you are free. We're still here...waiting for you to come out and play...

Re: I remember...

Date: 2010-04-20 04:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] liveonearth.livejournal.com
=-] Thanks. It's good to know you're there.

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