Homeopathic Remedy: Thuja
Oct. 19th, 2009 02:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
liveonearthquizzes
staphysagria
ailments from grief, surgery, rudeness
painful condylomata of genitals, styes, honeymoon cystitis
talking to self out loud, sexual fantasies, ailments from anger, trembling from anger
medhorinum
delusions someone is behind him, looses thought in train of conversation
frequent throat clearing, nail biting
ADD, aggressiveness, sinusitis and PID
craves citrus, fat, alcohol
hot feet uncovers them
underprescribed
not easy to spot, won't feel confident about prescription
hides inner emotions
**organs moving
strongly sycotic remedy: excesses, cysts, tumors, growths
secretive, hiding, syphylitic, closed, guilty, shameful, hard on self
ailments from vaccinations
ailments from suppressed warts
ailments from abuse, put down
people without a strong sense of self
lacking connection, feels inferior, perverted
delusion-body-ugly
great masquerader, blends in, tries to be accepted
fastidious, conscientious about trifles, wears makeup to cover blemishes
impeccably dressed, house is neat
observers
inner tension
seems nice, wants to please, or seems closed even manipulative
feeling of weakness and vulnerability
**sense of duality: split self, split hair ends, split warts, split urine stream
split nails
vagueness, hard to know
words trail off, become faint
fixed ideas
something alive in abdomen, legs made of glass, cannot eat that food
portraits of homeopathic remedies, Catherine Coulter author, 100 pp on thuja
for sensitive pts, esp, clairvoyance, can't go further
ready to advance spiritually but something is holding them back
Jeremy Shere orig from Israel then to England, acupx, homeopath
school in Eng, does courses in US
contradictions in remedy: generals contradict, modalities opposite
arbor vitae
dreams: of death, dead people, teeth breaking off while sleeping on L
L sided
delusions of dead people
delusions converses with dead, of dying, is about to die
represents the stage just before death where get stuck
delusion hanging on cliff about to fall
dreams of falling
may not be able to finish things
Life after Life book author Moody on life after death experience
noises from L side of spleen
doesn't do well with vaccinations (soul not like animal products?)
conflict between soul/scruples and animal nature/dark force
split
3rd month of preg fetus begins to look human, nasal septum and diaphragm form
rectal CA case: caused by guilt over losing wife, staphysagria scrip too superficial, Elmore says he wouldn't have gotten cancer if right remedy
guilt, self reproach, regrets, loathes own mistakes
rigid in thought and body
learn generals, you won't come to this remedy by the essence
anxiety about salvation
aversion to company, presence of strangers
confusion as if in a dream, as to identity
conscientous about trifles
consolation agg
contemptuous of self
conviction of death
desires death
deceitful
delusion animals in body, lighter than air, body is brittle, sees dead
delusion made of glass, divided into 2 parts, mind and body separated,
delusions preg, hears music, body too small for soul, sees ghosts
delusion under superhuman control, voices in abdomen, someone walks beside
delusion has done wrong
alcoholism
fanaticism
lascivious fancies
fastidious
fear of others approaching, touch
fixed ideas
loathing life
music agg, amel
sensitive to music, sacred music, weeping from music
indisposed to talk
aversion to touch
mistakes in reading, writing
speaking slowly as if at a loss for words
L sided
worse: cold, wet, 3am
discharges yellow or green
pain in small spots
warts, polyps, cysts
perspiration on genitals, perineum
sweats on uncovered parts
perspiration smells of onions, garlic, honey
onions agg
aversion to onions
tea agg
nails split, crack, ridge,
face skin oily
**headache in L temple like knife
cancer of face, mouth, lips, eyes
syphylitic-->deep sx, joints
styes, bletharitis, ear infx, nosebleeds L, polyps L
sycotic-->GU sx: ov cyst, vaginitis, prostatitis, split stream
herpes, PID, condylomata
asthma, worse cold wet 3am, 3pm
chilly with burning btw scapulae
hair on unusual parts
better: warmth, free secretions
worse: menses, talking
Herscu cycle: weakness, outer intrusion, lacks str to protect self, leads to sense of duality (injx), immune compromise, live with conflict, feel bad about self, guilt, reproach, disgust, discharges to get rid of bad feelings, suppress those or get exhausted, settle into inflexible way
fragile
secretive, coverup as coping strategy
OCD, obsessed with certain colors, foods
everything affects them
fixed ideas-->tumors, keloids
complaints of sex organs
SX FROM CASE
felt ugly as a little girl
sadness
alone
loss
hair lost its curl
abusive childhood, critical father
irritable-->fighting
knifelike pain in rectum and chest
worries
averse to strangers
averse to consolation
spasms
cramping
chilly, dislikes heat
worse fasting, better eating
worse caffeine, dairy
dreams vivid, anxious, of death
fear of needles, snakes, intrusions?
**************************************************************************************
CASE
K.M., 36 year old female
9/19/92
I have colitis and depression (2). We moved to Portland 3 years ago. My life is a series of losses (3). I got married 4 years ago. I am a dance movement therapist. Back east, I was dancing, felt strong emotionally, physically, and spiritually, with lots of friends and support.
Soon after being here my Dad died suddenly of a heart attack. I had a panic attack after we buried him (3). Spears going through my chest (3), couldn’t breathe (2), passed out.
I have a masters in dance therapy, but couldn’t find work in Portland. I had to work as a secretary for $5 an hour. Now I’m working in community mental health, social work, case management. It’s not me (2). We’re having financial problems, bought a house a year ago.
My hair was always curly; now it’s gone straight (3). All that I was, curly hair, spiritual, alive, dancer, is gone (3).
Some strange relationships with women here. Had some trust problems. Some have said my anger is too much. In NY I learned to express my anger, get it out. Here my directness has scared people (2).
Last year I was having a lot of bowel movements (2), hemorrhoids persisted, painful, had hemorrhoidectomy 10/91. They never healed (3), fissures developed (3), extreme pain (3), like a knife, shaking and screaming after bowel movement (3). My body felt raked, stiff. I stopped dance, was unable to. Now I do yoga and some swimming. I saw a doctor, did colonoscopy; he said I had Crohn’s disease, colitis. Was prescribed azulfidine and pain medications. After a while I quit the meds. Saw an acupuncturist, received Chinese herbs and acupuncture, which help some but then it relapsed. Went to another doctor who diagnosed “aggressive Crohn’s Disease in anus.” I started taking lactobacillus and cortisone cream for fissures. The fissures are deep (3) and painful (3).
Extreme gas pain (3), attacks inundate me. I must breathe, lie on floor, roll. I had 2 episodes of muscle spasms (3), laid on floor and couldn’t move (3) from the pain. Lasted 30 minutes, went away. Both times it happened on extending my back.
Depression with this, I’m tired of it. [Weeps]. Feel I can’t live my life. My husband is depressed, doesn’t like his job. I’m doing work with him to save our relationship. Communication and cultural stuff. He’s from Ireland. When depressed I withdraw (3), want to be alone.
I feel I need to protect my body (2). Not as much sex now. Sex usually doesn’t hurt, though. Unhappy with my job, not what my spirit needs to do. I want to work with my body, movement, dance, my calling. [Sighs].
Why can’t I take in and keep foods? I can’t assimilate, can’t accept. Auto immune disease—do I really dislike myself? I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m a shell, don’t know anything about me now. Change is essential. I am changing. I go through changes intensely, explosions. A theme of loss in my life (3) coming just after feeling so much a part of life; I felt special, confident, spiritually connected, it fell out the window (3) as we drove across the country and moved here.
Last year I was depressed (2), from my pain and poor health. I had to drag myself to work. I resisted taking anti-depressants. I disguised myself so it seemed I was doing okay. I’ve always liked people. For a time I couldn’t be around them. Almost a panic attack in the market. On first coming to Portland I had an aversion to people (2) I didn’t know. I’d sit in the car, I couldn’t go into the store. Paul would have to shop.
I’ve moved a lot, I’ve traveled alone in Europe. Always been quite independent (2). Why has life gotten scary?
Now the focus is in my body. I’m so tired of having food exit me, worry about anemia, am I ruining my colon? I’m a worrier (3).
I can’t find my center now. I’m hard on myself (2).
I have PMS, mood swings (2) for 3 days. Can be affectionate or distant. Irritable (3), I’ll find something to fight about. Lately crying, deep sobbing (3), frustration. It’s now a year anniversary of my illness. I don’t weep at work, but will with my therapist or Paul. Consolation is okay at times, usually not okay (2). No close friends in Portland, I’ve always had lots of friends, I’ve always attracted people. Here I repulse them.
My mother is pessimistic. Paget’s disease. 66 year old, Italian, catholic, guilt. I was the strange one in the family: artist, dancer, creative, happy child. Age eight was my happiest year, I was active. My Dad was physically abusive. Both parents had low self-esteem, which they projected onto me and my older brother. My father was extremely critical. I was a slow learner in school (2), remedial reading classes, slow math class. I felt stupid (2). In high school had boyfriends, lots of friends. I’ve used some drugs in the past, pot, some speed, cocaine, mushrooms. Anxiety with pot. Smoked twice last year.
I went to secretarial college, met a man, formed a serious relationship. I ended it; I was on an independent trek (2). I decided to become a dance therapist, did well, got a degree in psychology, really pushed myself (2). I met and lived with a man for 2 1/2 years there. I went to Europe for 2 month, met Paul, fell in love and ended up staying in Europe for a year.
Before I’d perform (dance) I’d be irritable (1).
In NY I was with a man, Mike, for 3 years. He was emotionally abusive. I did intense shedding of him (3), would sit on the toilet (2), a grief (3), saying good-bye to part of me.
I had weird bowel movements on the trip to Portland. Got thirsty, slept a lot, felt insecure, felt dependent (3). In Portland we immediately searched for work. Relationship got tense, I felt he wasn’t looking hard enough for work. My reaction was to get busy, calling lots of people, worrying (3). I complained (2) to Paul constantly, unhappy with my work. I’d been in Oregon 6 months when Dad died in 1/90. He had many locked-up feelings.
I’ve had vivid dreams lately (3). I woke crying today. Anger at Paul. Dreams of my Dad, a calm, good feeling. Some dreams of him insane, violent.
Tension in mid back or low back. No headaches. Colds these past 3 years. Cold drinks aggravate (1). Lately laryngitis after a cold (2), hoarse, painless, panacea when I can’t talk.
When I don’t cry I feel something in my throat. Like a ball in my throat. Shallow breathing.
I’ve always sighed (2).
I’m always very shy to speak. When I hear my own voice on tape I don’t like it (2).
After eating I get burning in my stomach. I used to always be bloated (2). Tension in stomach and abdomen. I massage it, which helps. Also better warm applications.
Craves: pasta (2), fruit (2), cheese (1), wine, eggs (1), spicy (1), bread (1).
Aversion to: cabbage, turnips. I’m tired of veggies. Aggravated by caffeine (3), dairy (2), fruits. I get irritable about tobacco smoke (3), I’m adamant, vocal about it.
Bowel movements 3-4 times a day. Like I’m not getting it all out. 20-30 minutes later I go again. Stool is unformed (2). Balls, gas with stool, mucus, brown, undigested food. 12 hours transit time. Occasionally I get urge but nothing there (1).
I must carry food, I get hungry (2). If can’t eat I get acid in my stomach, causes shooting in jaw (2), jaw feels tight, squeezed (2). Better eating (2). Worse if hungry (2).
The anal fissures discharge is yellow. Was a lot of gas, it’s okay now.
I used to get bladder infections, took antibiotics.
Took birth control pills for 5 years. Cycle was irregular but monthly. No clots. Cramps (1), dark blood. PMS irritable, weepy, diarrhea (3), bloating, sore breasts. I get hypersensitive to odors.
Sex drive low now, afraid of anything hurting my anus (2). Orgasm relaxes my anus. We have sex once or twice a month. It used to be twice a week.
My frustration — I’m married to a man who’s bright, talented, but he can’t decide what to do with his life. He’s not assertive enough. I get angry (3) because he doesn’t assert himself.
I’m critical (1).
I feel isolated (2).
I’m chilly (2), back, arms, hands, feet are cold. I dislike hot weather (2), can panic from heat. Avoid hot sun, makes me lethargic.
I sleep well, on back or right side, 8 hours. I’ll wake to pee, sometimes have bowel movement during night. I feel toxic if urine stays in me too long (1).
I must breathe deeply to wake up my lungs (1).
Active dreams, dead people (1); anxious dreams, fear I’d be in jail. Anxiety that I’d marry someone else (2, an arranged marriage, wakes frightened (2).
Fears: fainting (3). I’ve fainted a lot. I fear hospitals (1), needles (1), blood (1). Snakes (1). Insanity (1), being paralyzed. I fear not realizing my potentials. Fear rape. I was date raped.
My abdomen is a very emotional place for me (2). I fear violation from body work.
Rectal pains shoot upward.
Heels and soles sensitive. I want deep massage (2).
DDX AFTER PART I: LACHESIS, NUX-V, SEPIA, IGNACIA, MERCURIUS, ARSENICUM
he gave IGN, 5 day course
FOLLOWUP
9/24/92 (telephone), (took remedy on 9/19/92):
Severe gas pains (3), wiped me out. Became depressed, weeping, moaning (3). A bowel movement 1 hour after I eat. Tired. Been doing physical labor, extra stress. Decided to look for other work, a stressful edge.
I swam tonight for 30 minutes. It felt great. I felt weightless — water and bathing, image of being inside like a bowl of organs not doing anything, organs so sensitive like I can feel each one (2).
More diarrhea today, wiped me out. Fissures are okay, can relax after a bowel movement.
10/5/92 (telephone)
Stomach bug, diarrhea, nausea. Wiped out. Depressed, can barely function at work. Really bad pain in abdominal cavity (2), like very bad gas, burning. I could only pant, hope it would go away.
What’s going on inside? I’m not taking vitamins. Feeling like this for a full week. The pain is chronic, scary. I want to curl up in a ball (2). I pass gas only when I have a bowel movement. Before when I had gas pains doing yoga postures would expel them. After I drink room temperature water I get pain like I need a bowel movement, like too much liquid. Drinking causes bowel movement.
NO NEW REMEDY GIVEN, only 16 days, he "thought the remedy did something"
NEXT FOLLOWUP
10/10/92
[Sighs] Lots of depression (3). Diarrhea (3), like a virus. Wiped out (3). Diarrhea soft, small amounts, I push and hardly anything there.
Intense dreams (3), woke 3 times last night to have bowel movement.
Pains at work, very uncomfortable, trying to put on a happy face (2), come home and feel like dying. Like my organs are moving around (2).
Pain below xyphoid. Waking very thirsty, drink water. Bloated abdomen, water. Nothing absorbs.
Chilly (3), cold a lot. Night sweats.
I feel really sick, like I’m totally crippled (2). Feel I’m not even in life (2), I don’t know my body, myself. I feel stripped, fragmented and weak. I envy people who are active, ride bikes, etc. I can’t do that anymore.
Guilt about relationship with husband. I want to get out of work and come home, I’m so happy to get home, undress. I isolate myself. I don’t have the strength.
A lot of depression. Do I need anti-depressants? It’s been a year of this, gotten worse late August. Since the remedy my fissures have been better but my insides worse (2). My body is so sensitive, back hurts if I stand a lot. I’m holding my head, head feels hot.
I’ve come to a realization that I must quit work. [Sighs] I’m stuck. Anger at mothers I work with, they don’t’ know their children are in danger. Last night I dreamt I resigned from my job, was happy. Loads of anger at Paul, he can’t motivate to get a good job. Lots of dreams about death (3), I was driving a hearse, thought it was my Dad, but ushers were my Dad and brother, then I thought it was me dying (3).
Change is scary, when you’re at the bottom. My way of dealing with transformation is to isolate myself.
I want to go to a healing camp where I’m worked on, permeated with healing energy. I hate American society in some ways. You can’t take time off to heal. I dread going to work, I have to move a lot, it’s so painful. I thought of a medical leave of absence but it wouldn’t look good on my record.
I’m tired of sitting on the toilet, of lying down, of sitting on the sofa. I’ll have sparks of feeling good, after I eat, get some food in me. Then I get almost elated, I can cry because I’m feeling good. Then the yuck moves in, pain returns. I try not to be angry at myself, to be more accepting. Sorrow. I feel hunched over, tightness in my chest, I need to have body work done on me.
O: Lab work: severe anemia, Ca 8.3, Albumin 3.3, Globulin 4.4, Hemoglobin 9.9 (11-16 normal), hematocrit 31.8 (33-48 N), platelets 619 (150-440 N)
ELMORE'S ASSESSMENT: SHE'S WORSE, fissures better, insides worse, he gave up on ignacia and looked for another remedy. Was she proving the remedy, producing ignacia like sx? First thing he did was say "I'm putting you on no duty status and taking you off work" (he can do as doc). Then he gave another wrong remedy this one based on bowel sx: aloe (diarrhea remedy) in low potency. Had her take it daily. Relationship got better. Still night sweats, pain, spacey.
Next he mailed her nitric acid, that remedy did nothing.
3 weeks later she called, she went back on mainstream meds.
He restudied and gave her another remedy.
used SRPs: dreams of death, her own and others
dreams of dying
aversion to company
feels she is swimming and can feel each organ moving, abdomen, movements in
rectum-constricture on stool
rectum-urging freq desire
perspiration--night sweats
chronic desire
rectal fissure
Got nitric acid again, but sent THUJA in a 12C potency
take 2-3x/day
he was going to India and called before he left
she was much better
still taking pharma meds
3 mo later was much better
another miraculous cure?
a year later came back, no bowel sx, husband was seeing a younger woman and left her
Elmore gave thuja again, 1M this time, says she was thuja since she was a little girl
staphysagria
ailments from grief, surgery, rudeness
painful condylomata of genitals, styes, honeymoon cystitis
talking to self out loud, sexual fantasies, ailments from anger, trembling from anger
medhorinum
delusions someone is behind him, looses thought in train of conversation
frequent throat clearing, nail biting
ADD, aggressiveness, sinusitis and PID
craves citrus, fat, alcohol
hot feet uncovers them
underprescribed
not easy to spot, won't feel confident about prescription
hides inner emotions
**organs moving
strongly sycotic remedy: excesses, cysts, tumors, growths
secretive, hiding, syphylitic, closed, guilty, shameful, hard on self
ailments from vaccinations
ailments from suppressed warts
ailments from abuse, put down
people without a strong sense of self
lacking connection, feels inferior, perverted
delusion-body-ugly
great masquerader, blends in, tries to be accepted
fastidious, conscientious about trifles, wears makeup to cover blemishes
impeccably dressed, house is neat
observers
inner tension
seems nice, wants to please, or seems closed even manipulative
feeling of weakness and vulnerability
**sense of duality: split self, split hair ends, split warts, split urine stream
split nails
vagueness, hard to know
words trail off, become faint
fixed ideas
something alive in abdomen, legs made of glass, cannot eat that food
portraits of homeopathic remedies, Catherine Coulter author, 100 pp on thuja
for sensitive pts, esp, clairvoyance, can't go further
ready to advance spiritually but something is holding them back
Jeremy Shere orig from Israel then to England, acupx, homeopath
school in Eng, does courses in US
contradictions in remedy: generals contradict, modalities opposite
arbor vitae
dreams: of death, dead people, teeth breaking off while sleeping on L
L sided
delusions of dead people
delusions converses with dead, of dying, is about to die
represents the stage just before death where get stuck
delusion hanging on cliff about to fall
dreams of falling
may not be able to finish things
Life after Life book author Moody on life after death experience
noises from L side of spleen
doesn't do well with vaccinations (soul not like animal products?)
conflict between soul/scruples and animal nature/dark force
split
3rd month of preg fetus begins to look human, nasal septum and diaphragm form
rectal CA case: caused by guilt over losing wife, staphysagria scrip too superficial, Elmore says he wouldn't have gotten cancer if right remedy
guilt, self reproach, regrets, loathes own mistakes
rigid in thought and body
learn generals, you won't come to this remedy by the essence
anxiety about salvation
aversion to company, presence of strangers
confusion as if in a dream, as to identity
conscientous about trifles
consolation agg
contemptuous of self
conviction of death
desires death
deceitful
delusion animals in body, lighter than air, body is brittle, sees dead
delusion made of glass, divided into 2 parts, mind and body separated,
delusions preg, hears music, body too small for soul, sees ghosts
delusion under superhuman control, voices in abdomen, someone walks beside
delusion has done wrong
alcoholism
fanaticism
lascivious fancies
fastidious
fear of others approaching, touch
fixed ideas
loathing life
music agg, amel
sensitive to music, sacred music, weeping from music
indisposed to talk
aversion to touch
mistakes in reading, writing
speaking slowly as if at a loss for words
L sided
worse: cold, wet, 3am
discharges yellow or green
pain in small spots
warts, polyps, cysts
perspiration on genitals, perineum
sweats on uncovered parts
perspiration smells of onions, garlic, honey
onions agg
aversion to onions
tea agg
nails split, crack, ridge,
face skin oily
**headache in L temple like knife
cancer of face, mouth, lips, eyes
syphylitic-->deep sx, joints
styes, bletharitis, ear infx, nosebleeds L, polyps L
sycotic-->GU sx: ov cyst, vaginitis, prostatitis, split stream
herpes, PID, condylomata
asthma, worse cold wet 3am, 3pm
chilly with burning btw scapulae
hair on unusual parts
better: warmth, free secretions
worse: menses, talking
Herscu cycle: weakness, outer intrusion, lacks str to protect self, leads to sense of duality (injx), immune compromise, live with conflict, feel bad about self, guilt, reproach, disgust, discharges to get rid of bad feelings, suppress those or get exhausted, settle into inflexible way
fragile
secretive, coverup as coping strategy
OCD, obsessed with certain colors, foods
everything affects them
fixed ideas-->tumors, keloids
complaints of sex organs
SX FROM CASE
felt ugly as a little girl
sadness
alone
loss
hair lost its curl
abusive childhood, critical father
irritable-->fighting
knifelike pain in rectum and chest
worries
averse to strangers
averse to consolation
spasms
cramping
chilly, dislikes heat
worse fasting, better eating
worse caffeine, dairy
dreams vivid, anxious, of death
fear of needles, snakes, intrusions?
**************************************************************************************
CASE
K.M., 36 year old female
9/19/92
I have colitis and depression (2). We moved to Portland 3 years ago. My life is a series of losses (3). I got married 4 years ago. I am a dance movement therapist. Back east, I was dancing, felt strong emotionally, physically, and spiritually, with lots of friends and support.
Soon after being here my Dad died suddenly of a heart attack. I had a panic attack after we buried him (3). Spears going through my chest (3), couldn’t breathe (2), passed out.
I have a masters in dance therapy, but couldn’t find work in Portland. I had to work as a secretary for $5 an hour. Now I’m working in community mental health, social work, case management. It’s not me (2). We’re having financial problems, bought a house a year ago.
My hair was always curly; now it’s gone straight (3). All that I was, curly hair, spiritual, alive, dancer, is gone (3).
Some strange relationships with women here. Had some trust problems. Some have said my anger is too much. In NY I learned to express my anger, get it out. Here my directness has scared people (2).
Last year I was having a lot of bowel movements (2), hemorrhoids persisted, painful, had hemorrhoidectomy 10/91. They never healed (3), fissures developed (3), extreme pain (3), like a knife, shaking and screaming after bowel movement (3). My body felt raked, stiff. I stopped dance, was unable to. Now I do yoga and some swimming. I saw a doctor, did colonoscopy; he said I had Crohn’s disease, colitis. Was prescribed azulfidine and pain medications. After a while I quit the meds. Saw an acupuncturist, received Chinese herbs and acupuncture, which help some but then it relapsed. Went to another doctor who diagnosed “aggressive Crohn’s Disease in anus.” I started taking lactobacillus and cortisone cream for fissures. The fissures are deep (3) and painful (3).
Extreme gas pain (3), attacks inundate me. I must breathe, lie on floor, roll. I had 2 episodes of muscle spasms (3), laid on floor and couldn’t move (3) from the pain. Lasted 30 minutes, went away. Both times it happened on extending my back.
Depression with this, I’m tired of it. [Weeps]. Feel I can’t live my life. My husband is depressed, doesn’t like his job. I’m doing work with him to save our relationship. Communication and cultural stuff. He’s from Ireland. When depressed I withdraw (3), want to be alone.
I feel I need to protect my body (2). Not as much sex now. Sex usually doesn’t hurt, though. Unhappy with my job, not what my spirit needs to do. I want to work with my body, movement, dance, my calling. [Sighs].
Why can’t I take in and keep foods? I can’t assimilate, can’t accept. Auto immune disease—do I really dislike myself? I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m a shell, don’t know anything about me now. Change is essential. I am changing. I go through changes intensely, explosions. A theme of loss in my life (3) coming just after feeling so much a part of life; I felt special, confident, spiritually connected, it fell out the window (3) as we drove across the country and moved here.
Last year I was depressed (2), from my pain and poor health. I had to drag myself to work. I resisted taking anti-depressants. I disguised myself so it seemed I was doing okay. I’ve always liked people. For a time I couldn’t be around them. Almost a panic attack in the market. On first coming to Portland I had an aversion to people (2) I didn’t know. I’d sit in the car, I couldn’t go into the store. Paul would have to shop.
I’ve moved a lot, I’ve traveled alone in Europe. Always been quite independent (2). Why has life gotten scary?
Now the focus is in my body. I’m so tired of having food exit me, worry about anemia, am I ruining my colon? I’m a worrier (3).
I can’t find my center now. I’m hard on myself (2).
I have PMS, mood swings (2) for 3 days. Can be affectionate or distant. Irritable (3), I’ll find something to fight about. Lately crying, deep sobbing (3), frustration. It’s now a year anniversary of my illness. I don’t weep at work, but will with my therapist or Paul. Consolation is okay at times, usually not okay (2). No close friends in Portland, I’ve always had lots of friends, I’ve always attracted people. Here I repulse them.
My mother is pessimistic. Paget’s disease. 66 year old, Italian, catholic, guilt. I was the strange one in the family: artist, dancer, creative, happy child. Age eight was my happiest year, I was active. My Dad was physically abusive. Both parents had low self-esteem, which they projected onto me and my older brother. My father was extremely critical. I was a slow learner in school (2), remedial reading classes, slow math class. I felt stupid (2). In high school had boyfriends, lots of friends. I’ve used some drugs in the past, pot, some speed, cocaine, mushrooms. Anxiety with pot. Smoked twice last year.
I went to secretarial college, met a man, formed a serious relationship. I ended it; I was on an independent trek (2). I decided to become a dance therapist, did well, got a degree in psychology, really pushed myself (2). I met and lived with a man for 2 1/2 years there. I went to Europe for 2 month, met Paul, fell in love and ended up staying in Europe for a year.
Before I’d perform (dance) I’d be irritable (1).
In NY I was with a man, Mike, for 3 years. He was emotionally abusive. I did intense shedding of him (3), would sit on the toilet (2), a grief (3), saying good-bye to part of me.
I had weird bowel movements on the trip to Portland. Got thirsty, slept a lot, felt insecure, felt dependent (3). In Portland we immediately searched for work. Relationship got tense, I felt he wasn’t looking hard enough for work. My reaction was to get busy, calling lots of people, worrying (3). I complained (2) to Paul constantly, unhappy with my work. I’d been in Oregon 6 months when Dad died in 1/90. He had many locked-up feelings.
I’ve had vivid dreams lately (3). I woke crying today. Anger at Paul. Dreams of my Dad, a calm, good feeling. Some dreams of him insane, violent.
Tension in mid back or low back. No headaches. Colds these past 3 years. Cold drinks aggravate (1). Lately laryngitis after a cold (2), hoarse, painless, panacea when I can’t talk.
When I don’t cry I feel something in my throat. Like a ball in my throat. Shallow breathing.
I’ve always sighed (2).
I’m always very shy to speak. When I hear my own voice on tape I don’t like it (2).
After eating I get burning in my stomach. I used to always be bloated (2). Tension in stomach and abdomen. I massage it, which helps. Also better warm applications.
Craves: pasta (2), fruit (2), cheese (1), wine, eggs (1), spicy (1), bread (1).
Aversion to: cabbage, turnips. I’m tired of veggies. Aggravated by caffeine (3), dairy (2), fruits. I get irritable about tobacco smoke (3), I’m adamant, vocal about it.
Bowel movements 3-4 times a day. Like I’m not getting it all out. 20-30 minutes later I go again. Stool is unformed (2). Balls, gas with stool, mucus, brown, undigested food. 12 hours transit time. Occasionally I get urge but nothing there (1).
I must carry food, I get hungry (2). If can’t eat I get acid in my stomach, causes shooting in jaw (2), jaw feels tight, squeezed (2). Better eating (2). Worse if hungry (2).
The anal fissures discharge is yellow. Was a lot of gas, it’s okay now.
I used to get bladder infections, took antibiotics.
Took birth control pills for 5 years. Cycle was irregular but monthly. No clots. Cramps (1), dark blood. PMS irritable, weepy, diarrhea (3), bloating, sore breasts. I get hypersensitive to odors.
Sex drive low now, afraid of anything hurting my anus (2). Orgasm relaxes my anus. We have sex once or twice a month. It used to be twice a week.
My frustration — I’m married to a man who’s bright, talented, but he can’t decide what to do with his life. He’s not assertive enough. I get angry (3) because he doesn’t assert himself.
I’m critical (1).
I feel isolated (2).
I’m chilly (2), back, arms, hands, feet are cold. I dislike hot weather (2), can panic from heat. Avoid hot sun, makes me lethargic.
I sleep well, on back or right side, 8 hours. I’ll wake to pee, sometimes have bowel movement during night. I feel toxic if urine stays in me too long (1).
I must breathe deeply to wake up my lungs (1).
Active dreams, dead people (1); anxious dreams, fear I’d be in jail. Anxiety that I’d marry someone else (2, an arranged marriage, wakes frightened (2).
Fears: fainting (3). I’ve fainted a lot. I fear hospitals (1), needles (1), blood (1). Snakes (1). Insanity (1), being paralyzed. I fear not realizing my potentials. Fear rape. I was date raped.
My abdomen is a very emotional place for me (2). I fear violation from body work.
Rectal pains shoot upward.
Heels and soles sensitive. I want deep massage (2).
DDX AFTER PART I: LACHESIS, NUX-V, SEPIA, IGNACIA, MERCURIUS, ARSENICUM
he gave IGN, 5 day course
FOLLOWUP
9/24/92 (telephone), (took remedy on 9/19/92):
Severe gas pains (3), wiped me out. Became depressed, weeping, moaning (3). A bowel movement 1 hour after I eat. Tired. Been doing physical labor, extra stress. Decided to look for other work, a stressful edge.
I swam tonight for 30 minutes. It felt great. I felt weightless — water and bathing, image of being inside like a bowl of organs not doing anything, organs so sensitive like I can feel each one (2).
More diarrhea today, wiped me out. Fissures are okay, can relax after a bowel movement.
10/5/92 (telephone)
Stomach bug, diarrhea, nausea. Wiped out. Depressed, can barely function at work. Really bad pain in abdominal cavity (2), like very bad gas, burning. I could only pant, hope it would go away.
What’s going on inside? I’m not taking vitamins. Feeling like this for a full week. The pain is chronic, scary. I want to curl up in a ball (2). I pass gas only when I have a bowel movement. Before when I had gas pains doing yoga postures would expel them. After I drink room temperature water I get pain like I need a bowel movement, like too much liquid. Drinking causes bowel movement.
NO NEW REMEDY GIVEN, only 16 days, he "thought the remedy did something"
NEXT FOLLOWUP
10/10/92
[Sighs] Lots of depression (3). Diarrhea (3), like a virus. Wiped out (3). Diarrhea soft, small amounts, I push and hardly anything there.
Intense dreams (3), woke 3 times last night to have bowel movement.
Pains at work, very uncomfortable, trying to put on a happy face (2), come home and feel like dying. Like my organs are moving around (2).
Pain below xyphoid. Waking very thirsty, drink water. Bloated abdomen, water. Nothing absorbs.
Chilly (3), cold a lot. Night sweats.
I feel really sick, like I’m totally crippled (2). Feel I’m not even in life (2), I don’t know my body, myself. I feel stripped, fragmented and weak. I envy people who are active, ride bikes, etc. I can’t do that anymore.
Guilt about relationship with husband. I want to get out of work and come home, I’m so happy to get home, undress. I isolate myself. I don’t have the strength.
A lot of depression. Do I need anti-depressants? It’s been a year of this, gotten worse late August. Since the remedy my fissures have been better but my insides worse (2). My body is so sensitive, back hurts if I stand a lot. I’m holding my head, head feels hot.
I’ve come to a realization that I must quit work. [Sighs] I’m stuck. Anger at mothers I work with, they don’t’ know their children are in danger. Last night I dreamt I resigned from my job, was happy. Loads of anger at Paul, he can’t motivate to get a good job. Lots of dreams about death (3), I was driving a hearse, thought it was my Dad, but ushers were my Dad and brother, then I thought it was me dying (3).
Change is scary, when you’re at the bottom. My way of dealing with transformation is to isolate myself.
I want to go to a healing camp where I’m worked on, permeated with healing energy. I hate American society in some ways. You can’t take time off to heal. I dread going to work, I have to move a lot, it’s so painful. I thought of a medical leave of absence but it wouldn’t look good on my record.
I’m tired of sitting on the toilet, of lying down, of sitting on the sofa. I’ll have sparks of feeling good, after I eat, get some food in me. Then I get almost elated, I can cry because I’m feeling good. Then the yuck moves in, pain returns. I try not to be angry at myself, to be more accepting. Sorrow. I feel hunched over, tightness in my chest, I need to have body work done on me.
O: Lab work: severe anemia, Ca 8.3, Albumin 3.3, Globulin 4.4, Hemoglobin 9.9 (11-16 normal), hematocrit 31.8 (33-48 N), platelets 619 (150-440 N)
ELMORE'S ASSESSMENT: SHE'S WORSE, fissures better, insides worse, he gave up on ignacia and looked for another remedy. Was she proving the remedy, producing ignacia like sx? First thing he did was say "I'm putting you on no duty status and taking you off work" (he can do as doc). Then he gave another wrong remedy this one based on bowel sx: aloe (diarrhea remedy) in low potency. Had her take it daily. Relationship got better. Still night sweats, pain, spacey.
Next he mailed her nitric acid, that remedy did nothing.
3 weeks later she called, she went back on mainstream meds.
He restudied and gave her another remedy.
used SRPs: dreams of death, her own and others
dreams of dying
aversion to company
feels she is swimming and can feel each organ moving, abdomen, movements in
rectum-constricture on stool
rectum-urging freq desire
perspiration--night sweats
chronic desire
rectal fissure
Got nitric acid again, but sent THUJA in a 12C potency
take 2-3x/day
he was going to India and called before he left
she was much better
still taking pharma meds
3 mo later was much better
another miraculous cure?
a year later came back, no bowel sx, husband was seeing a younger woman and left her
Elmore gave thuja again, 1M this time, says she was thuja since she was a little girl
