"Gay culture" is not a culture, but rather, it is a subculture that is quite legitimately labeled deviant. You perceive derogatory connotations when they are not intended; the button is in your mind. The meaning that you hear was not the meaning that the speaker/writer had in mind. When a subject is "loaded" for you, it is hard to imagine that someone else might be speaking dispassionately about it. But it is possible.